future perfect past progressive

Little to nothing is known as to when the phenomena we know as Auntie Warhol was born — if she was “born”. But for those who discount more supernatural explanations, recent reports from the Auntie Warhol Institute may shed new light on how it came to be that she walks among us.

According to the new theory, Auntie may be a creature of paradox, conceived in and emerging from a tear in the space-time continuum, which was ripped open when Campbell’s Soup channeled Andy Warhol for new cans:

The world’s biggest soup maker plans to introduce special edition cans of its condensed tomato soup bearing labels reminiscent of the pop artist’s paintings at Target stores starting Sunday.

Researchers at the Institute — a consortium of physicists, historians, and potheads committed to understanding and preserving Auntie’s life, work, and legacy — suggest that this event created a sort of feedback loop, from which the only escape was to produce an equal and opposite cultural-temporal anomaly. Thus the theory states that Auntie Warhol simply came to be, forged from space-time itself, as a matter of mathematical necessity.

The authors however are careful to note that although they believe this 2012 event to have been the point of Ms. Warhol’s conception, it is still not known at what point in our timeline did she first appear — what one might think of as her actual “birthday”. Her known work dates her well into the previous century, while reported sightings and apparent influence, to say nothing of the legends, would place her well before that.


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