i am jack’s loss of innocence

The Institute was asked by an associate to dig into a particularly intriguing incident reported to have occurred – simultaneously – in 1973, 1993, and 2003 — and possibly 1983 as well.

In 1993, Paul Thomas Anderson was making an indie film called Cigarettes & Coffee; cast and crew have said in the past that the production was somewhat chaotic.

A young Jack Black had just finished shooting an episode of Northern Exposure, and had flown in at the behest of Kirk Baltz, a friend and acting coach from L.A., to meet the rest of the cast of Anderson’s film.

Meanwhile in 2003, Jim Jarmusch was filming Coffee and Cigarettes with Bill Murray, Tom Waits, and a litany of icons from Steve Buscemi to Jack White.

And in 1973, soul legend Barry White was sitting alone at a Diner, having coffee and cigarettes.

The Jarmusch production held a Saturday night cast party, and from what we’ve put together, after extensive interviews with the partygoers we’ve thus far been able to locate, something unusual definitely occurred.

Punk rocker Frank Black may have been a catalyst for the event; it is reported that not only did Jack Black, Anderson, and the Cigarettes & Coffee cast all come out that fateful night to the release party for his first post-Pixies solo record, he was also at the 2003 Coffee and Cigarettes cast party on an invitation from Iggy Pop.

We can speculate that the coexistence of both Frank Black and Black Francis in a moment of space-time singularity would itself be an event that mathematically should draw Auntie’s presence; we can only imagine the magnitude of that same event including Jack Black and Jack White. These are the sort of events which can create wormholes and destroy timelines, the sort of events from which the math conceived Ms. Warhol, to allow the equations of our fourth dimensional minds to reconcile.

The algebra suggests that Barry White may have been swept into the moment when balance required both a black guy not named Black and a guy named White who wasn’t white; Barry gave the equation the efficiency of two for one, but for the same reason was indivisible, which tells us which other variables have to change to fit instead. It has also been speculated that Mr. White’s act of sitting alone may have created a sort of vacuum of cool around him, which nature abhorred of course and filled by bringing the whole party back to that Diner; a sudden shift for our guests — with ’83, ’93, and ’03 already mingling, a group suddenly reliving the more liberal mores of 1973 would certainly accord with what little we know so far.

No one we’ve interviewed has given us many details. What we have managed to gather seems to center around Jennifer Kaplan, a little-known actress with a small part in Anderson’s film.

Interviewees have told us she came to to the party with someone she just called “Auntie”, and we can put together that Auntie was somehow responsible for the night becoming what it did. Beyond this however, witnesses have all been almost strangely silent: to a person, they’ve giggled, blushed, or smiled, and just said “you had to be there”.

One person did tell us, off the record, that “we knew things were really out of hand when we saw Louis [Black, a comedian attending the 2003 party with friend and cast member Steven Wright] with that gag in his mouth”. Another guest gave hearsay that she overheard Meg White asking Jack if he was going to “let Auntie show him her Tesla Coil“. It’s not known if she was joking.

Some witnesses to the evening did also insinuate that the night may have provided some inspiration for Paul Thomas Anderson’s Boogie Nights; Anderson has not responded to our request for comment.

We have furthermore uncovered that Oddballs, the album Frank Black released in 2000 featuring music he’d written in 1994 soon after the experience, was named in honor of Jennifer Kaplan’s brief role as the “French Girl” in Oddballs, a Canadian summer camp comedy — released in 1984, but perhaps importantly, filmed in 1983.

Did Auntie Warhol instigate a multigenerational orgy across space and time with an eccentric selection of music and movie royalty, possibly to prevent a more catastrophic anomaly in 2013 — like the beginning of a Paul Ryan presidency, or a second season of that singing contest with the guy from 98 Degrees? — or does such speculation simply let the legend lead the facts?

We at the Auntie Warhol Institute will continue to investigate, and as always our readers will know what we know, as soon as we know it.


One thought on “i am jack’s loss of innocence

  1. Pingback: my balls are always bouncing, my ballroom always full | The Auntie Warhol Reader

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